Ghost

There's been lots of talk about the phenomenon of ghosting, when you avoid directly breaking up with someone simply by fading away or ignoring him. I am guilty on multiple counts. I'm terrible at saying I don't want to see someone again.

I have to wonder, though, at what stage in the "dating" the disinterested party becomes a ghost, rather than it being the other party's inability to take a hint. Say you have a couple of dates with a guy and then decide the sex isn't so great and that he isn't much of a conversationalist either, so when he texts you again and you don't respond in time for the weekend, shouldn't that send a strong signal?

If it were me waiting to hear back, I'd drop it. I let people know I'm interested, and if they don't respond, I move on. Someone else, and I'm drawing from actual experience here, might decide to keep texting. And if no response, he hits me up on Scruff, and Grindr, and BarebackRT in what appears to me to be mounting desperation. Coming at me from multiple angles does nothing but annoy me.

So yeah, I suppose I ghost guys, but in the case above, was it even fair to say we were dating?

Flake

Now that my sexual life is almost totally dependent on online services and mobile apps, I'm having to come to terms with how unpredictably people behave. For my part, I am very reserved about hooking up. I need stats and a representative selection of pictures, I need to have a few words of conversation with a potential partner before I will commit to meeting. This is mostly to protect myself. I'm not a large person and I'm now in my mid-40s. In other words, I'm becoming a mark.

To some people, this caution equates to flakiness or game playing, but you can be assured that if I say I am ready to meet, I am ready to meet. And if we agree on a time and a place, I will be there.

Contrast this behavior with what I've been experiencing, largely from younger men.

• The younger, hotter guy who trades pics and compliments and then vanishes as soon as I say I'm interested.
• The guy who, after I invite him over, replies two hours later that this phone died.
• The guy who abruptly stops trading messages when things start to heat up and then writes back two days later as if there were no interruption at all.
• The guy who wants to get together right now but has no pics and a blank profile.
• The guy whose profile says, in no uncertain terms, that he wants only HIV- partners yet hits me up for sex.
• The guy who gets pissed when I point out his behavior is unacceptable, insults me, and then blocks me.

I should confess I don't handle these situations as calmly as I could. Two of these scenarios occurred just last night, and I was completely out of patience. If I hadn't been so tired, I probably would read them to filth over their immaturity, but instead I just went to bed. More and more, I'm finding that going to bed, even alone, is the only way to handle flaky online communication.